C -- Russia. Everything has to be done in a backwards way, but everything is possible, and there's a lot of legacy.
C++ -- USA. Powerful, but more and more complicated, unreadable, error-prone. Tends to dominate and influence everything.
Python -- Netherlands. Modern, rich, easily approachable, attractive for various reasons, but not the top performer.
Haskell -- Monaco. Not many people, but very rich.
Java -- Sweden. Comfortable, but has its own king and currency.
JavaScript -- China. Developing really fast and can do lots of surprising stuff. A lot of users.
Basic -- Finland. Easy to use, but not very powerful.
Assembly -- Lesotho, which is completely surrounded by South Africa. Rarely used nowadays to make a whole program, more often as an included part of a bigger code in higher level language.
PHP -- Bangladesh. Poor, but numerous, and it's found all over the web.
Pascal -- Germany. Strict rules, good performance. And there are many people who just don't like the language.
Bash -- Switzerland. Not very big in itself, but pulls the strings of the others.
Tcl: Kiribati. Never heard of it.
Forth: Australia. Everything's the wrong way round in the antipodes.
Prolog: North Korea. Lots of rules, unification is the stated goal.
Scheme: Singapore. Hygienic at the macro level.
LISP: Iceland. Incredibly clever and well-organised, but icy and remote.